How to Find Your Role Model: Advice from the Stoics, Aristotle, Nietzsche, Frankl, and Neuroscience
In this profound episode, John Sampson bridges ancient philosophy and cutting-edge neuroscience to explore the critical necessity of having an ideal—a guiding pattern of excellence that shapes who you are and who you are becoming. This isn't about passive admiration; it's about creating a personal, philosophical, and scientific roadmap to implement the right ideals for your unique life.
🧠 Key Concepts and Takeaways
The Existential Vacuum: Lacking a guiding ideal can lead to a state of frustration, aimlessness, and low self-efficacy. Viktor Frankl, the founder of logotherapy, called this the existential vacuum. He observed that those who survived the concentration camps often had an ideal figure to whom they dedicated their suffering.
The Ideal as a Psychological Framework: Ideals help define our "Possible Selves" (what we hope to become) and act as a cognitive framework that turns abstract virtues into concrete, imitable behaviors. Without this, behavior becomes inconsistent and driven by external pressures.
The Brain on Emulation: Admiring an ideal is an emotionally charged, physiologically formed engine for personal growth.
Motivation: The Reward System (mesolimbic pathway) releases a dopamine surge, treating the pursuit of an ideal as a valuable goal.
Learning: The Mirror Neuron System allows you to internally simulate the ideal person's actions and emotional state, which is the foundation of imitation and social learning.
Identity: Idealization engages the medial prefrontal cortex to integrate the admired traits into your Ideal Self-Concept, which acts as a neural blueprint for your future behavior.
🏛️ Ancient Wisdom vs. The Nietzschean Challenge
The episode highlights a rich philosophical debate on emulation:
Pro-Emulation Camp (Plato, Aristotle, Stoics):
Aristotle argued virtue is acquired through habituation by imitating a moral exemplar (spoudaios) until the actions become a reliable habit.
Seneca encouraged listeners to have a "custodian of the soul" , or a "chosen master" , a figure to live by, essentially an internalized moral compass.
The Anti-Emulation Camp (Nietzsche):
Friedrich Nietzsche viewed uncritical emulation with suspicion, as it encourages conformity and dependency.
His imperative was to "become who you are" through self-overcoming. The goal is to let the model "ignite the fire to be the greatest you you can be".
🚧 Psychological Risks and Finding Your Unique Ideal
Uncritical emulation, especially with unattainable social media ideals, carries risks:
Identity Confusion and Shame: The gap between the actual self and the idealized role model feels unbridgeable, leading to shame and a feeling of perpetual failure.
Perfectionism and Emotional Burnout: Trying to emulate unrealistic, airbrushed ideals leads to maladaptive perfectionism and fatigue.
Loss of Authenticity: Copying someone else can lead to a rejection and fragmentation of your own identity.
💡 How to Discover Your Unique Ideal (A 3-Step Inquiry):
Self-Reflection and Value Clarification: Start with your core values. What virtues do you truly admire, like integrity or creative expression?
Embrace Complexity and Specificity: Don't chase a single, perfect person. Instead, build a composite ideal—a collage of virtues from figures like Maya Angelou (resilience), fictional characters, or mentors.
Practice Adaptive Emulation: Your models must evolve as your context and needs change. This is the Nietzschean component: learn from the model, and then self-overcome it to move to the next stage of your own self-creation.
🎯 Five-Step Process for Internalizing Your Ideal
John Sampson provides a practical, sustainable method combining Stoic practice and modern psychology to bridge the gap between admiration and authentic, habitual action.
Define the Principle, Not Just the Person: Translate the admired trait into an actionable, universal principle (e.g., from Marie Curie: "Practice rigorous curiosity and unwavering scientific honesty").
Create the "Daily Simulation": Intentionally recall your ideal three specific times per day (morning, noon, evening) and ask, "What would my role model (or the wise person) do in this moment?".
Habituate the Behavior: Choose one small, discrete, imitable behavior to practice today (e.g., "Take three deep breaths before replying to a confrontational email"). Aristotle taught that virtue is developed by repeated, intentional action.
Reflect, Journal, and Forgive (Self-Discrepancy Check): End your day by reviewing successes and failures without judgment, applying self-compassion. The goal is progress, not instant perfection.
Appropriate and Innovate (The Ascent to Self-Creation): Regularly ask: "How would I, the unique me, express this virtue in a way my model never could?". The model's purpose is fulfilled when they have inspired you to rise above them and become your unique, self-created ideal.
🔥 Next Step: John encourages you to sit down and clarify the three most important values you want to embody, and find the figure (historical, fictional, or living) who exemplifies them to be your guide.
Full Transcript Below:
John Sampson: Welcome back to Weekly Wisdom with John Sampson, the podcast where we bridge the gap between ancient philosophy and modern psychology, to give you actionable insights for a meaningful life.
Today, we’re diving into a topic that is both profoundly ancient and relevant today: the power of the ideal. This isn't just about admiring a celebrity or a historical icon; this is about the critical necessity of having a guiding light, a pattern of excellence, that shapes who you are and who you are becoming. We’re going to look at what the Stoics, Aristotle, Nietzsche, and others had to say about emulation, and then we’re going to jump into modern science—we’ll explore the cutting-edge neuroscience that explains exactly what happens in your brain when you find someone worth admiring.
By the end of this episode, you will have a philosophical and scientific roadmap to identify and implement the right ideals for your unique life, not just the ones society hands you.
It's time to stop arguing about what a good person should be, and start being one, as Marcus Aurelius would say. So, let’s get started.
I want to begin with a question that, on the surface, seems purely philosophical, but which has real psychological consequences: What happens when we lack an ideal? What happens when there is no role model, no aspirational figure, and no high principle to guide our decisions?
Unfortunately, there are plenty of people who grow up in situations just like this, where they don’t have someone to look to in their immediate circle and it’s harder for them to find someone to emulate.
The 20th-century psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor, Viktor Frankl, framed this problem in stark, existential terms. Frankl, the founder of logotherapy, posited that the primary human drive is not pleasure, as Freud suggested, or power, as Adler suggested, but the will to meaning. When this meaning is frustrated, it leads to a psychological state he called the existential vacuum.
In the concentration camps, Frankl observed that the prisoners who survived were often those who had an ideal figure—a loved one, a religious figure, or a wise person—to whom they dedicated their suffering or after whom they modeled their resilience. These figures provided a reason to endure and a pattern for how to endure with dignity.
When you lack this guiding ideal, the psychological landscape is one of frustration, aimlessness, and low self-efficacy. The psychological benefits of having a positive role model are well-documented across multiple subfields of psychology, including developmental, social, and personality psychology. But, when you lack them, that psychological scaffolding collapses.
Think about the psychological mechanisms at work. Role models and ideals help us define our "Possible Selves"—that is, what we hope to become and also what we fear becoming. Without a clear positive ideal, the self-discrepancy—the gap between who you are and who you should be—remains undefined or, worse, defined only by fear. And this lack of positive direction and a clear ideal self-concept undermines self-efficacy, which is your belief in your ability to succeed. Without an aspirational figure demonstrating that a certain goal is achievable, the goal often feels too large, too abstract, and too overwhelming to pursue.
In essence, an ideal person or principle acts as a cognitive framework. They provide a positive standard against which we can measure and regulate our progress, turning abstract virtues like "courage" or "justice" into concrete, imitable behaviors. Without this framework, behavior tends to become inconsistent, driven by external pressures, fleeting emotions, or simply the avoidance of pain, rather than a deliberate, principled march toward a higher self. You float through life, rather than navigate it with intent.
The ancients understood this. Seneca, the Roman Stoic philosopher, insisted that you must have a "custodian of the soul," a figure to live by, a role model you carry with you in your thoughts. He recognized that philosophy is not just a subject to be learned, but a life to be lived, and that a living example is far more effective than an abstract rule. He wrote: "Choose a master whose life, conversation, and heart shall satisfy you; for you need one who, by standing near, may regulate your bent and straighten your deviations".
Without this chosen master, without this ideal, we are simply regulated by the mob—by unexamined social norms, by advertising, and by the lowest common denominator. The ideal, therefore, is not a luxury; it is a fundamental mechanism for psychological, ethical, and even physical survival.
This brings us to the fascinating intersection of philosophy and contemporary neuroscience: What is physically happening in our brains when we encounter, admire, and strive to emulate an ideal person?
The process of role model identification is far more than just a thought; it is an emotionally charged, physiologically formed engine for personal growth. When we encounter an inspirational figure, specific neural systems are activated, turning abstract admiration into physical motivation.
First and foremost is the Reward System, which relies heavily on the neurotransmitter dopamine. When you see an ideal person achieving excellence—whether it’s a mentor solving a complex problem or a historical figure demonstrating profound courage—your brain registers this not just as information, but as a potential reward. The activation of the mesolimbic pathway, or the reward pathway, links the act of emulation to positive reinforcement. This fires the dopamine surge, motivating you to replicate the admirable behavior. In essence, the brain treats the pursuit of an ideal as a valuable goal, just like finding food or achieving mastery of some craft.
Next, we have the Mirror Neuron System. Mirror neurons are specialized brain cells that fire both when we perform an action and when we observe someone else performing the same action. They are the foundation of imitation, empathy, and social learning. When you observe a role model exhibiting a desired trait—say, composure under pressure—your mirror neurons fire as if you were exhibiting that composure. This creates an internal simulation, allowing you to psychologically "try on" the role model’s actions and emotional state. This mechanism is a key part of Albert Bandura’s Social Learning Theory, which states that learning occurs through observing and imitating others.
The act of idealization also deeply engages the parts of the brain related to self-processing and self-concept, such as the medial prefrontal cortex. When you identify with a role model, you begin to integrate their traits into your own sense of self, creating that "Ideal Self-Concept" we discussed. This self-concept acts as a kind of neural blueprint, providing an enduring organizational structure that guides your future thoughts, emotions, and behaviors toward the ideal.
In short, the neurological process of emulation serves multiple critical functions:
It provides motivational energy by linking admirable behavior to the brain’s reward system through dopamine
It facilitates learning by creating an internal, imitable template through mirror neurons and social learning
And It constructs identity by integrating aspirational traits into our sense of who we are becoming, our self-concept
This is why the presence of positive role models and mentors has been transformative throughout history. For example, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. openly adopted the principles of nonviolence after studying the teachings and life of Mahatma Gandhi. He didn't become Gandhi, but he used Gandhi's path as an essential catalyst for his own movement, transforming philosophical and spiritual ideals into political action. Gandhi in turn stated that he took Jesus Christ as an example for this very same behavior.
So, the power of emulation is clear, but like any powerful engine, it requires careful handling. Without critical awareness, the engine of admiration can lead to psychological damage. We’ll explore those risks next.
The Western philosophical tradition is rich with arguments both for and against the absolute power of emulation. These ancient arguments are, I think, the best guide we have for navigating the psychological risks of emulation in the social media age.
John Sampson: For many ancient thinkers, emulation was the fundamental mechanism of moral and ethical education.
Plato gave us the loftiest ideal: the Theory of Forms. For Plato, the ultimate ideal—the Good, the Beautiful, the Just—existed not in any person, but as a perfect, eternal, metaphysical entity. The philosopher's task was to ascend a "ladder" through reason and love toward contemplation of these perfect Forms. A role model, like the ideal philosopher-king, was merely a person who had managed to reflect these Forms better than others. The goal of emulation, for Plato, was to “become as divine as possible” by looking to these ultimate, unchanging ideals.
Aristotle, Plato’s student, made the concept far more practical. He argued that virtue is not innate; it is acquired through habituation. And how do we know what virtuous habits look like? By imitating a moral exemplar, whom he called the spoudaios, or the morally serious person. Aristotle believed that you literally learn virtue by watching someone who is already excellent and trying to replicate their actions until those actions become a reliable habit. For Aristotle, the ideal is observable and practical, found in the life of a great man, not just in a metaphysical heaven.
The Stoics refined this practical approach.
Seneca encouraged readers to "live as if in the sight of" a wise person, essentially carrying a mental advisor everywhere. He saw the role model as an internalized moral compass. He said “cherish some man of high character, and keep him before your eyes, living as if he were watching you, and ordering all your actions as if he beheld them.”
Epictetus was also prescriptive, insisting that the way to progress is to actively align oneself with the virtues of the wise. He encouraged students to ask: "What would Socrates have done?" in difficult situations, transforming philosophical theory into practical, daily exercises.
Marcus Aurelius, the philosopher-emperor, begins his Meditations with a heartfelt catalogue of virtues he learned from his father, grandfather, tutors, and teachers. This was his personal constitution, a collection of human excellences he intended to live up to.
For these thinkers, emulation was non-negotiable in order to achieve ethical growth.
But one man who challenged the entire notion—is Friedrich Nietzsche.
Nietzsche was renowned for his radical critique of Western morality, and he viewed emulation with deep suspicion. For Nietzsche, the danger of role models is that they encourage conformity and dependency. If you simply copy someone else’s life, you are subscribing to a "herd morality," failing to take on the terrifying but necessary task of self-creation.
Nietzsche’s central imperative was to "become who you are," and he believed this required self-overcoming—a perpetual process of transcending your current self, your inherited values, and external demands.
From a Nietzschean perspective, role models are not templates for passive imitation; they are prompts for one's own unique art. You shouldn't try to be Seneca; you should let Seneca’s example ignite the fire to be the greatest you you can be. Models that impede becoming, foster dependency, or flatten individuality are to be resisted as adversaries of flourishing. The most profound emulation is when you use the model to invent something entirely new—your unique self.
John Sampson: Nietzsche’s warning is echoed and validated by modern psychology, especially in the context of mass media and social platforms.
When emulation crosses the line from being an inspirational guide to a rigid template, it exacts a heavy psychological toll. The key dangers are:
One, Identity Confusion and Shame: When the gap between the actual self and the idealized role model feels vast and unbridgeable, it generates chronic self-discrepancy. This can lead to shame, anxiety, and a feeling of perpetual failure because the ideal is perceived as unattainable.
Two, Perfectionism and Emotional Burnout: The social media age has created an epidemic of homogenized, airbrushed, and utterly unrealistic ideals. Trying to emulate a composite of unattainable perfection—the work ethic of an entrepreneur, the body of a celebrity, and the domestic bliss of a curated feed—leads to maladaptive perfectionism, burnout, and emotional fatigue.
And three, Loss of Authenticity: Excessive, uncritical emulation—trying to be a copy—leads to a rejection of the self and a fragmentation of our identity. True psychological health requires balancing the striving for ideals with the acceptance of your unique, flawed self.
The difference between healthy emulation and pathological imitation lies in the selection of the model.
The process of finding your ideal is not about grabbing the first admirable person you see; it’s a rigorous, personalized ethical and psychological inquiry.
Step 1: Self-Reflection and Value Clarification. The first and most critical step is introspection: What virtues do you truly admire? What goals genuinely resonate with your vision of a flourishing life?. Do not start with the role model; start with your core values. If the value is "integrity," you look for models of integrity. If the value is "creative expression," you look for models of artistic excellence.
Step 2: Embrace Complexity and Specificity. Your ideal should not be a single, perfect person. That person does not exist, and chasing them leads to the perfectionism trap. Instead, build a composite ideal.
Adopt the resilience of Maya Angelou
Emulate the fortitude of the famous stoic Cato
Model the patience or courage of a favorite fictional character.
The ideal becomes not a statue to worship, but a collage of virtues that suits your unique path. You can draw upon a rich tapestry of models, ranging from real-life figures like family members and mentors, to fictional characters from books and films.
Step 3: Practice Adaptive Emulation. Your models must evolve as your context, needs, and aspirations change. The ideal mentor you need in your twenties for career-building is likely different from the philosophical guide you need in your fifties to confront mortality. This is the Nietzschean component: you use the model, you learn what you need, and then you self-overcome that model to move to the next stage of your own self-creation.
The true goal is to transform admiration into action, suffering into artistry, and inheritance into innovation—becoming the unique self that only you can be. Your life, guided by these highly personalized, composite, and evolving ideals, will be unique.
John Sampson: Identifying the ideal is the first step, but as we’ve discussed, the real challenge is actively and sustainably implementing it in daily life. It’s about bridging the gap between admiration and habitual, authentic action.
Here is a five-step process, combining ancient Stoic practice with modern psychological techniques, to transform your chosen ideal into your authentic way of being. I’ll break down each step into the action and the rationale for that action.
1. Define the Principle, Not Just the Person
Action: Translate the admirable person's trait into an actionable, universal principle. If you admire Marie Curie, the principle isn't "become a Nobel Prize winner." It's "Practice rigorous curiosity and unwavering scientific honesty."
Rationale: Values are abstract; principles are actionable expressions of those values. This allows you to apply the ideal across any domain of your life.
2. Create the "Daily Simulation"
Action: Dedicate three specific times per day (morning, noon, evening) to intentionally recall your chosen ideal until it becomes something that you do without even thinking about it. Seneca called this living as if you were in the sight of your guide.
Rationale: Epictetus insisted on a practical exercise: before you act, ask, "What would my role model (or the wise person) do in this moment?". This daily, deliberate practice engages your prefrontal cortex, actively aligning your current self with your ideal self-concept, and steering your behavior.
3. Habituate the Behavior
Action: Choose one small, discrete, imitable behavior from your ideal that you can practice today. If the ideal is "calm under pressure," your behavior is, "Take three deep breaths before replying to a confrontational email."
Rationale: Aristotle taught that virtue is developed by repeated, intentional action; habits form the states of character that enable human flourishing (eudaimonia). You must start small and build consistency to internalize the ideal into an automatic, reliable response.
4. Reflect, Journal, and Forgive (Self-Discrepancy Check)
Action: End your day with a journal reflection, reviewing moments when you succeeded in emulating your principle and moments when you failed. Analyze the failure without judgment—identify the obstacle, but apply self-compassion.
Rationale: This reflection allows you to review and integrate lessons learned from your model, but crucially, it acknowledges the inevitability of imperfection. The Stoics recognized that the journey is long, and the goal is progress, not instant perfection.
5. Appropriate and Innovate (The Ascent to Self-Creation)
Action: Regularly ask: "How would I, the unique me, express this virtue in a way my model never could?". Look for ways to blend the principle with your own talents and context, moving from mere imitation to creative adaptation.
Rationale: True growth involves progressing from emulation to appropriation, and finally to authentic, creative action. The model’s purpose is fulfilled when they have inspired you to rise above them and become the unique, self-created ideal that only you can be.
John Sampson: The pursuit of the ideal self is arguably the most important project of human life. It is the quest for meaning that Viktor Frankl insisted upon. It is the pathway to virtue that Aristotle defined. And it is the fuel for the self-overcoming that Nietzsche demanded.
We’ve seen today that this project is not just philosophical; it is wired into our very being. When we admire, our brains light up with dopamine and our mirror neurons prepare us to learn. The ideal is the compass that prevents us from drifting in the existential vacuum.
But remember the key lesson: The ideal is a guide, not a destination. Use your models as a collection of virtues, a constellation of wisdom to light your path, but never let them overshadow your own potential for self-creation.
As we end this week's discussion, I encourage you to take that first step in the five-step process: sit down and clarify the three most important values you want to embody. Then, find the historical figure, the fictional character, or the living mentor who exemplifies those values, and let them be your guide as you move toward a more meaningful, self-mastered life.
Thank you for joining me for this week’s episode of Weekly Wisdom with John Sampson. Join us on Patreon for ad-free listening, the ability to submit questions for future Q&A episodes, and to offer ideas you’d like to have me explore on future episodes. Until next time, thank you for listening.
